time to smoke my breakfast
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
