at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
