Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
