How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I am midnight drunk by noon
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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