i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
