I have demons in me.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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