So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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