my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
