My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
