maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
even my farts smell like vagina
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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