I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
