Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
