Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
