I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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