he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
