wat bout pragnant strippers??
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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