Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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