the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
it was like eating out sand paper
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
