my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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