jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize