put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
