Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
