they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
