Is it normal to miss your booty call?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize