I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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