woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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