My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
