Screwed.edu
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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