i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
