I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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