I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Randomize
