I hate your face
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
