Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
