Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
