I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Randomize
