if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
