I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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