I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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