It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
