If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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