my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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