You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
