Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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