Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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