the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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