Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
