she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize