Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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