Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
