My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Randomize