this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
