If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
