I think i peed on brittanys purse
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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