she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Terrible idea I love it
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
