that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
