I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
50% drunk capacity currently
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Randomize
