so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
