We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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