Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize