the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
