Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize