my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
