I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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