threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
you will always have a special place in my vag
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
