I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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