mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
