I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize