I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize