it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
