he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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