Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
