I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize