you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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