A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
